You talk to me with words but I listen to you with feelings. When i'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person.. feel happier.. <3 I am happy that I had you. I miss you smile.. really. I kept thinking of you before I go to sleep. I wish that you know that i'm missing you every second every minute every day without telling you how much I'm missing you. We had the right love...but at the wrong time, wrong place and wrong country. I love food and sleep. But I let you eat my food and I stay up to talk to you. For you, to see my tears in my eyes is still not enough. To see me dying, its enough. But still, you doesn't even bother to care. I try to talk to you. But I don't know what to say. I'm afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me, there's a lot of things I wanna say.. words are waiting to come out. Words like how I feel, how I miss you, and how I love you despite my broken heart. And especially how much I want you in my life. But those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside. Sometimes I wonder whether there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know. T.T Guys are like stars. There's a million of them but only one of them could make my dream come true. That is YOU... but we live in a different world. You told me once before. “A good morning does not only mean good morning. It means that you think of me when you wake up.” I wish that miracles will happen between us. Should I be happy we are still friends or sad? Because that's all we will ever be... feelings don't die easily as we keep feeding them with memories. I loved it when you hug me. Its the best feeling in the world. But this is all in the past. Because we are in a different world right now. I miss you now, I miss you the next minute and I will still miss you in the future. I really miss you.. I wish you were right beside me right now. Could you please come back for a minute? 1 minute is enough. I just want to take look at you.. :'(

I'm not one of those girls that gets all the attention. The perfect body, the perfect smile, the cute voice. I'm not one of those girls that are good at hiding their flaws, the one that are good at sweet talks and flirting. I'm not one of those girls that has the nice styles and the nice looks. I'm the one that tends to be really insecure about themselves. The girl that's always in the corner hiding, i'm the girl that's scared to show others her real self.

Just because I smiles all the time, doesn't mean that I am happy. I loved being called pretty but I'll never believe it. I'm not always right, but I hate admitting that i'm wrong. I'm almost always smiling when i'm outside, but it's not always real. I can be read like an open book, but still hiding so much. I worked hard at things, but don't always get what I deserve.

I'm finding someone who dares to admit that he misses me. Someone who knows that I'm not perfect, but treats me as if I am. Someone whose biggest fear is losing me. One who gives their heart completely. Someone who says I miss you and means it. Last but not least, find someone who wouldn't mind waking up with me in the morning, seeing me in wrinkles and my gray hair, but still falls for me all over again.

i keep asking myself. how can i be happy? this year christmas really sux. after christmas broke up wif my bf. i keep on putting a fake smile but it really hurts me deep inside. How could this happen? did i made the wrong decision? now den i really know who are my real friends. even my best sister also betrayed me. why in this world ppl are lidat? can anyone tell me?

ITS CHRISTMAS EVE!

morning went to dover to meet up wif my boss and collegue to exchange christmas present.
boss treated us KFC. den went to meet up wif some fren and den went to orchard. He treated me MAC:) den went to modesto italian restaurant.

BELLA!! It's time to face the reality that you really have nothing more encouraging to let yourself to stand up anymore.

i am sorry i can never be 'me' when i am with you, in results of being a different 'me' when i am not with you.

i feel stupid, real stupid to cry & defend myself. when all i wanted was really myself to be happy. the original 'me' will never be accepted, that is a fact i know. i have a mouth & my own voice to talk yet i honestly feel much like a mute.

things seems better in the past where i say nothing.

i am sorry i am not perfect neither to the least good to be a girlfriend.

I dont know why there will be this and that.
I dont know why it is always the cause of so.
Sometimes i just cant help to wonder why.
Burden, worries, faults - all lies in oneself, bring oneself down.
Selfishness, unexplanable, actions - everything shows.


Is it worth? Is is worst? You judge.
Is it true? Is it fake? You judge.
Has it changed? Is it coming back? You judge.
Never good enough, never enough of anything - Humans.

As much as i want to at times, i stopped.
Time stacked up the defence of oneself, made oneself strong & hard.
However, you're still the reason it goes soft.
Everything.. & anything, why?
Still, selfishness.

I will learn, from Karma.

work work and work.. will go crazy if keep on going like this.. my june holiday wasted.. only went out for 2 sundays during the whole june holidays.. I'm going mad!

keep meeting up wif freddy.. very fun.. feel really very happy wif him..better than Dylon:P this is call got life.. hahas.
watched MONGA last week.. very nice, fred uncle treat:)
wanting to watch once more.. or buy CD :D


going to play pool soon:)
HAPPY!

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Name: Bella ♥
Age: 19 Birthday: 27Feb school: graduated

Myself and MY hubbie.. RICHARD CHEW
Friends: Belinda
Germaine

New bag
New wallet
New shoes